#31ShortHorrors – A Training Manual and Warm Welcome to Our New Recruits

October 4, 2015

Dear New Colleagues:

Welcome aboard our team

Merry Beings though we seem

A sundry lot of deathbringers

Try not to bring the screams!

No one, good or evil

Wants to see or hear our presence

Except the odd elderly fart

Or suicidal essence.

There are so many humans now

We had to grow our ranks,

Considering the planet’s state

Aggressive growth is our new plan.

The wars are coming, as are plagues

Assuming they don’t die

Of starvation, dehydration

Or manufactured highs.

These dumb humans don’t get it

They still place the blame above

Inside the heavens with That Guy

That freakin’ Guy, you know…

The one they ask for help

And when not received, create

Excuses for non-activity

Play keep-away with hate

So we step in to ease their hearts

And guide them through the dark

We are the escorts out of town

The bouncers of Earth’s bar.

Listen closely, use your eyes,

Your fingertips, and lips

Please find below instructions for

Detaching human grip.

Depending on the circumstance

They may put up a fight.

You mustn’t use diplomacy

Negotiation’s not a right.

Once your summons is assigned

You must arrive posthaste

Your charge is not permitted

Last words, texts, or emails.

Except on rare occasions

Unscheduled victim-heroes

May be permitted one last kiss, a phone call

Last hello.

It’s not that we’re unfeeling

It’s not that we’re unkind

And every job requires

Flexibility of some kind

Victim-heroes are quite scarce

Bent rules are not broke

Upon that first assignment

You’ll shadow a veteran cloak

Otherwise for average Joes

And Jills and Baby Janes

This protocol will see you through

To bring them back again

Sneak onto the scene quietly

Assess the situation

Take the soul quite quickly

Through the mouth, back to your station.

The soul is all we need to fetch

The body is subjugation

It’s heavy and unnecessary

Energy is our ambition.

Try not to get distracted

With bystanders’ whack reactions

Hardly any respond with glee

To our unannounced reception

The most difficult to fetch

Are the souls of kids and parents

Together they are willing travelers

Apart, they are most wretched

But it’s not always tears and fury

Shaken fists at skies

Relief and happiness breathe in those

Too terminal not to die.

The starving, wounded, sick, and lonely

Love to join our journey

They love the ride-along and ask

For stories until morning.

After you have gathered your

Assignments for the shift

Deposit souls within the wind

For  great atomic mix.

For what comprises human soul?

It has no mass or volume

A soul is made of energy

Unclassified by humans.

These apes got one thing right,

Physics has solid amendments,

Energy is omnipresent,

No start or end, just movement.

And so we gather all of this

Discarded energy

Timepoints and coordinates

Decide the Time To Be.

We have work aplenty, stead yourself

We’ll head down to the sea

A hurricane has taken shape

Our origin of species.

A storm so powerful

It flung souls into the ether

Energy was rearranged to form

Our ranks of Soul Receivers.

So come along, my new recruit

Please ride along with me

We have four deaths tonight

One for you, and three for me.

Watch me first, then join me,

Then teach me to collect,

These are the steps to learning

The last will be your best.


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